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Posts tagged “porn

DNFTB Podcast Pilot: A Study Of Porn

DNFTB Podcast logo

You hoped we were dead! Gone with the wind! Away on a magic carpet ride to oblivion! But you were wrong!

We were just plotting and biding our time, waiting for the perfect opportunity to release this auditory orgasm in your unworthy ears!

Listen to the first episode of the DNFTB podcast as Kevin the Penguin Master, resident advice columnist Auntie Liv and all-around perv Aggrey reminisce about the struggle of dial-up porn consumption and reveal exactly where to find our various porn stashes. And to top it off, we also solve the age old mystery of the Share button on streaming sites.

Abandon decency all ye who enter here!


Funniest Book Ever

Greetings my not so faithful audience (we will discuss your infidelity some other time). You may not know this but for a long time, I have been on an epic quest. For several years now I’ve been searching for an elusive treasure and at long last, I’ve found it. What treasure you ask?  What do I have to present now that I’ve taken off my Indiana Jones hat. Well…at long last, I have found – the funniest book ever written.

Before you rush to congratulate me or scoff in disbelief let me present my findings. Here is the book I speak of.

I know it looks like some crappy, cheap, semi porn romance novel but it isn’t. Well, its not a semi porn romance book at any rate. This is a Christian book intended to offer guidance to the Kenyan youth. By that I mean it’s a thinly veiled piece of guilt propaganda that was cobbled together overnight, stapled and put up for sale without even taking out the typos. It also happens to be quite unintentionally hilarious.

It answers questions that plague every young person such as-

Lord knows many have agonized over this very complicated line of thought. I cant recall how many times I’ve seen someone propose only to receive the reply “Uh…who are you?”

Do you watch porn? I have bad news for you. The author has researched and come up with several well thought out consequences of watching porn.

And

Did you hear that team forever alone? Porn will get you laid…a lot. Constantly even, if this book is to be trusted. Its impossible for you to watch porn and not be knee deep in um…I could have sworn I had a proper way to finish this sentence when i started it. I’ll let your dirty minds fill it in.

BUT…you musn’t be tempted by the magic of porn. After all, not only will your partners be riddled with STDs, theres the bible to think about. Look at this highly reliable bible quote.

That’s right. I’m sure you all remember this bible passage. It was right before Paul barged into a Corinthian household and kicked in a flat screen and yelled “I reps the 254, biatch” and then left for his grammar class.

As for the next one…

I don’t even know what joke to make here. No…wait, i’ve got it.


Why I’m Not A Horrible Human Being: The Debut

It’s been a while since I’ve put fingers to keys to craft written drivel for imagined hordes of my fans to fawn over. In a bid to remedy this situation, and to make sure that there is some sort of regular content to keep my beloved masses coming back , I’m starting a feature to convince y’all why I’m not such a bad person to get to know. It will be updated every [time period of my choice to be added later], so you can look forward to seeing this often.

To kick this off, I’ll be talking to a topic that I’ve had close and intimate relations with.

WHY I’M NOT A HORRIBLE HUMAN BEING: MY PORN IS CONSENSUAL

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