We don't bite…unless you're into that sort of thing

Posts tagged “awards

To World Domination

If you’ve spent some time on this blog then you probably know that the end goal is world domination. What might surprise you however is how long this plan has been in motion. See, when I was a kid we had a giant picture of Jomo Kenyatta, Kenya’s first president, hanging somewhere. Kenyans know the one. The iconic image with the fly whisk.

Now I didn’t know who he was exactly and I certainly didn’t know he was dead at the time. But, because I was a stubborn child who refused to ask questions when I could make my own (horribly uninformed) conclusions, I decided he was the world ruler. Why else would we have a picture of him? Solid reasoning, right? And in a moment of childlike confidence I declared that I would take his job. It was a vow I took very seriously as you can see:

Your king has arrived

Your king has arrived

As it turned out the entire office of world ruler was unoccupied so (sadly) I don’t have to unseat anybody. But (again, sadly) I do need you people to actually get the office. Dictatorship ain’t what it used to be. So i (not really) humbly come bearing gifts.

  1. A GUILT TRIP

Look at the hope in that child’s eyes. Do you want to crush it? Are you trying to get in the way of that dream? Do you dance in a field upon the forgotten corpses of children’s hopes?

If not then support our domination. Vote for us here.

 

  1. A POWER PLAY

In case you’re a heartless bastard and you’re not swayed by any of that then consider this. You, our readers are coming with us. When we establish our class system, you’ll be the party members, the aristocracy, the Shogun, the Brahmin etc.

If you want to bathe in the tears of your enemies, Vote here.

 

  1. BLACK MAIL

In case guilt or the promise of power aren’t your cup of tea, consider this. We know how you got here. You heard me. We know what you were googling that somehow landed you on this site.

Be it your strange desire to see cartoons misbehaving

-Marvel comics sex

-thumbellina frogo porn

-spongebob flipping off

Or you were accidentally trying to find Vaseline.com (which raises the questions. Why? How did that even lead you here? And Why? Bulk purchase?)

Or the 69 (har har) of you that were looking for a man in a diaper

We know! And if you don’t vote for us. Well…I trust you’ll do the right thing

PS: I really wish I was making up those stats. And those are the tame ones. I love you dear readers, but y’all are messed up people. Which is why you should support your own. Do not feed the bloggers for best creative writing blog. We promise really useful corruption.

 


Vote for Madness

You may have heard that we’ve been nominated for Best Creative Writing Blog for the Kenyan Blog Awards 2014.  Cue unseemly celebration with terrible dancing and everything. I’d like to thank all you sick twisted people who nominated us. We will take you with us when we take over the world so don’t forget to vote for us here:

http://www.blogawards.co.ke/vote/

As for you new readers. Why should you vote for us? First, meet the bloggers.

Left to Right: Fred, Nat, Gachagua, Aggrey, Liv

Left to Right: Fred, Nat, Gachagua, Aggrey, Liv

Gachagua

I’m the boss around these parts. I’ve been kindly informed several times that sanity is not my strong point.

You can read about my (succesful) quest to find the funniest book ever here

My thoughts on cartoons here

And my adventures with withdoctors here and here.

 Liv

Meet Olivia. Aka BBB (Big Breasted Blogger) our resident cynic.

Are you happy? Let her disabuse you of your foolishness. You are broke and single, accept this here.

Now that you are aware of your problems Ask Aunt Olivia for help here and  here.

 Aggrey

I’d say meet Aggrey but it’s probably safer if you watch from a distance. Aggrey, also known as Molesto (The Clown) is our dark side. If i told you how many times we’ve had to seek legal advice on his account (from law students obviously. Ain’t nobody got that kind of money) you wouldn’t believe me.

Read about his life with a donated member. Or his Pregnancy fetish.

Still here?

Might as well read about the Man Child’s struggle then. And if you’re not sufficiently shocked, read about his girlfriend.

Natalie

Nat aka Nuthead is our angry violent side.

Strangely enough, she’s the (relatively) sane one. Sit down and let her teach you the difference between anti-social and selectively social.

Fred

Fred is the man in charge of everything else. We need a podcast. He’s our guy. Photographer. The man has invented a way to take pictures of the past so he can tell you what Jesus actually looked like. I would tell you about his hacking activities but we don’t want him to get arrested. Of course, he’s extremely lazy so his world changing activities take a while.
Black lazy James Franco can tell you how all this begun.

You know you want to vote for us. Vote for the Madness