If it’s past midnight, get off the internet. Take my word for it. Nothing good will come of being on the internet when the witching hour strikes. Only disaster awaits you. You have been warned.
I know this because last night I was on the internet at 3 AM. I was tired. So tired that the only real movements I was making were scrolling through OLX free classifieds which, when you think about it, is the only way to truly go window shopping at that hour. Why I thought late night window shopping, online or off, was a good idea is a concept whose root can easily be traced back to I WAS ON THE INTERNET PAST MIDNIGHT.
Lets compile the ingredients making up the “how did I get myself into this” recipe.
1. I was tired.
2. I’m impulsive and easily impressed when I’m sleepy.
3. The curse that strikes late night net denizens foolish enough to go against it.
Stir it together and let it simmer.
Long story short…I bought two rabbits.
One moment I was looking at electronics and then I blinked and found myself marveling at the idea of rabbits being sold online. Then looking at the prices and going, this is fairly affordable. I’ll take one. No no no i’ll take two, so the first one doesn’t get lonely. And then, worst of all, I was dialing a complete stranger and asking for my rabbits.
Well. Technically I didn’t buy them. I booked them. But if you wake someone up at 3 AM for a barely intelligible conversation demanding rabbits you’re honor bound to actually buy the damn things. I believe he would legally be allowed to kill me if I didn’t buy them after that. It’s in the constitution. No really. Read it. It’s surprisingly in depth about rabbit sale etiquette.
So I bought two rabbits.
You know what I’ve learnt from owning rabbits (that I don’t have yet.) It sucks being the only one with rabbits. So I shall challenge you all to buy your own.
Why would you do that you ask? So we can all train them and have a rabbit race (that I will crush you all in). You heard me. I’m saying my rabbits, Malcolm X (The black one) and Iggy Azelia (The.. this doesn’t actually need any clarification), can beat your rabbits.
If you feel threatened by this utterly meaningless challenge then GAME ON. You’re my kind of person. The rabbit race is on. Train the little bastards.
PS: If one of you has a tortoise bring it to the race. I want to test their supposed intelligence that we all heard so much about as kids.